nostalgia

Along comes a new month, and the only thing I can feel right now is a mild case of Panic. Panic- because we’ve already arrived at the third month of this new year (just where did the time go??), panic- because I have my final exams [the exam that’s gonna determine a very significant percentage of my future], and panic- mostly because the time in my hands is slipping away so fast, and I can’t really declare that I’d put my lost time to good use. It feels like only yesterday, but it has almost been three years, since I started college. It wouldn't be so wrong to say that my perspectives, my views on life and the world around me, back then and as of now, have changes considerably. The two graduation parties we had served as wake up calls that told me my college days were over. I think I am now starting to fully understand the confusions, and the conflicting thoughts and challenges that life tends to bring…and it sure does come in a heck of a package. I realize I have a whole lot of thinking to do about my life and where I want to be, like ten years from now! And believe me that’s a challenge, because I still have a mountain of a task ahead of me-preparing for my oncoming exams, of which I have had no initiative whatsoever!

My two best friends who’re in another city called me up a few days back, and we as usual, blabbered on about nothing for quite a while. And I am now still dealing with the nostalgic feeling that accompanies long talks with old friends. All I can think about now are my old days in high school, which, on my list of the “best days of my life” are right up there. We talked about little trivial stuff, mostly typical girl stuff, which made me realize that even though we have moulded our docile spirits to conform to our present situations and in our own ways coped with our present lives; we hadn’t changed one little bit! We’re all still the silly girls who giggle at everything, shout at each other at every little opportunity, and inevitably talk about our old days in high school…that never was and never will be an insignificant topic. We can never leave that out, because that’s where we found each other, brought together by some mysterious, yet wonderful twist of fate, to which I will be eternally grateful.

To be honest, I am consistently plagued by a melancholic feeling, as I come in terms with the fact of reality that the past will remain the past. No more going back to high school, living with our carefree, reckless teenage spirits, without a care in the world, when the future seemed a distant and far off entity. My hesitations of taking the steps into my future inevitably sends me back to those days of fun and frolicking, because now I am on my own, facing my future head on, tête-à-tête…with no turning back and no time to waste. I don’t think anyone can blame me for being so apprehensive (unless he/she is being hypocritical), and I hope it’s only natural…

All I have left now are the photographs and the vivid memories that still linger somewhere in the corners of my mind. I gather these fragments of memories, the remains of the blissful moments and put together the pieces of time, which otherwise would be gone forever with the past. I hold on to them the best way that my only limited human brain would allow, hoping that they will provide some sort of consolation, even in their smallest measure, to my lingering nostalgia.